GBA SP: The Gift That Keeps On Givin'

For my son's birthday his mother and I decided to get him a Nintendo GameBoy Advanced SP System. It wasn't that expensive (compared to the Xbox 360 which I would need to sell a kidney on EBay to procure) and the library of games was decent. They are also still making games for the system which is good for Christmas and assorted birthdays. The GBA SP has meant so much to our family. Let me tell you a couple of reasons why.

We've found that one of the great things about this system is that the games are not very expensive at all. New games are around $30 bucks and you can get them used for as little as $10. That's great for Cam who was able to use some of his birthday money to get a bunch of games. Now I own an Xbox and a PS2. Games for these systems are more expensive and used ones aren't much cheaper. The only drawback to the GBA is that you can't rent the games to see if you like them. But that's not much of a problem as we research all the games we buy to make sure that we are getting the really good ones to play. IGN.com is a great place to get this information(its linked to this page on the right). Just look for the editor's choice and you'll get a list of games that have scored high in catagories like graphics, gameplay and re-play value. It really helps to get a decent game that's fun to play.

Considering the size of the system, the games are really impressive. The whole unit is about the size of a pop-tart and it plays all the games I used to play on the original NES (Nintendo Entertainment System). They look a lot better and all the ones we have played have a few save slots installed so you can save your games. The only drawback to the size is that the screen is VERY small. So after a session of playing for awhile you find yourself in a position that looks a lot like Quasimodo resetting the date on his watch. Nothing a nice stretch and a couple of nicely placed cracks won't fix. Being as small as the unit is we have to keep a close eye on it. We have a two year old that would like nothing better that to take our joyous new plaything and throw it in the trash, toilet, or the other dimension where all the missing binkies, sippy-cups, and lost continent of Atlantis are currently located.

I did mention that this was a gift for our son didn't I? Well he plays it for sure, but from time to time he gets stuck and his parents need to help him. That's what parents are for right? Parents who are anxious to help our son with various harder levels and nasty boss fights. Parents who also end up playing the game until 2 am, long after Cam's asleep. We feel that as parents it's our responsibility to go ahead of where Cam may be in the game. Just to make sure he knows what's coming when he gets there. It's really a service we perform for our kids, rather than a compulsive need to get all the eggs on a certain Mario game just for the principle of it. Being a parent is all about sacrifice.

So if you looking for the perfect gift for your kid, a GBA is a great one. Imagine all the hours of fun he'll have playing it. Truthfully, for the price of the unit and games - it's the best game system I've, er Cam, has ever owned. More importantly though - it has brought our family together in a very special way. Ultimately most important is the fact that just one more level on Tony Hawk's Underground 2 and I'll be the best skater in all of Barcelona...but I digress....

"I'm Melting! I'm Melting! What A World! What A World!"

Christ it's hot! As far as I'm concerned, regardless of what the Schrub(our president) says, Global Warming is alive and well and doing a number on Michigan this summer. I cannot remember a year when it has been so hot for so long. When you wake up in the morning and the first thing that you smell is cooking beef and you haven't used the kitchen since the previous night, that's not a good thing. All the animals in the house are responding appropriately, lying spread eagle making themselves as cool as possible. Not the most attractive of poses for my animals, but hey it's really freaking hot.

Our house does not have air conditioning. We have two window units upstairs which were kindly left by the previous owners. They have been a godsend. Without them Em's parents would be hosting 4 refugees, a cat and a wiener shaped dog in their air conditioned home. We turn the window AC units on at night which allows everyone to sleep nicely. Lately we've been having movie nights upstairs as the downstairs is just too hot. Oh we have ceiling fans in almost every room in the house. But with this heat it just turns our home into a convection oven. Blowing all that hot air around and I'm sure cooking us slowly to death.

The aforementioned movie nights are fun. The only problem is that we have to fit all the members of our family on our queen size bed. This gets a little cozy with a never-stop-moving 2 year old and a fidgety 6 year old. I've been kicked in the gonads more than I would like, but at least I'm able to double over in pain in a nice cool room. This is worth it though, we have more room downstairs but for all intensive purposes the downstairs feels like it has a lava flow moving through it. It's a chance for family bonding. As long as I where my cup, all is well.

When all of us get completely stir-crazy we run for any bastion of air conditioned goodness that will have us. The usual places are McD's which is nice and cool and has sundaes and a play land. We've held up there for hours. The kids are occupied and Emily and I get a chance to talk and not to melt. The mall is of course a nice place to hang out when hot and we've also gone to the movies just to escape the heat. Any port in the storm I say. Man a storm would be great - a nice cool down before the muggy swamp heat makes its inevitable return.

We are looking into having central air put in our home. There may be some issue with the age of the house, the ducts not being located in the right place, they are the wrong color, God hates us, whatever. When we bought the house it was not even something we considered. It was just not hot enough long enough to spend the dough. This has changed significantly over the passing years and seems a good investment. Not to mention that anyone living in this area who has noticed the climate change won't even look at a house without central air. So it will help us in the long run when we want to sell the house. The sooner the better - it's been so hot I can't even remember winter. That's saying something as I have been known to complain about that from time to time.

So I hope you are all enjoying the heat. I'm writing this in front of a AC window unit. So I'm pleasant now. My cigarette however will likely no be as pleasant, as I have to go outside. It's kind of like smoking on the surface of Mercury so I'm quick about it. That I get to return to the oasis of coolness that is my upstairs makes it tolerable. That is until tomorrow, when my brood awakens and comes in to be comfortable and to kick me in the nuts. Such is the life I lead.

Look Out Piccadilly...

This is a picture of my oldest son. This picture has not been photo-shopped or tampered with some PC trickery. I was very interested in getting one myself. My wife then had to remind me that I'm still in the job market (such as it is) and that prospective employers might just frown on an applicant sporting such a do. Throw caution to the wind I say. But my wife, ever diligent, has said no and that's probably for the best. Cam saw a kid with a similar 'style' the other day and Emily asked if he wanted one. He said he did and that's all that was necessary to get the clippers-a-humming. Emily really likes those clippers. Sometimes so much it scares me.

Needless to say Cam is getting a lot of attention regarding his hair. People ask me about it and I mention that Cam came home and announced that he was in a band and that was enough of an explanation for me. We did have to discuss those piercings and tattoos and set some limits. At least he spelled his mother's name correctly on the heart on his chest. When he moves the right way he can make it look like it's actually beating. (Sniffle) I'm so proud.

It's summer after all. The hair will grow back and Cam will enter the first grade and not resemble Sid Vicious all that much. But we will get our fair share of pics and stories from the experience. We'll remind him of it all through the years, that is until on his own he comes home with something (or someone) more strange that what we've done to him this summer.

My Sweetest Friend...

Today my wife and I are celebrating our nine year anniversary. Being a man of many, many, many words, I have only a few regarding this topic.

I JUST DON'T HAVE THE WORDS TO SAY HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU. THANKS FOR ALL THE GREAT YEARS. YOU ARE TRULY SPECIAL AND THAT YOU'VE DECIDED TO SPEND ALL THESE YEARS WITH ME IS SOMETHING I JUST DON'T DESERVE. MY LOVE, YOU ARE THE BEST THING IN MY LIFE.

Will

Abyssal Thinking #1

You know, sometimes I have random thoughts or ideas. Now most of the time I keep these to myself and don't bother the rest of the world with them. Now I have decided to post some of them in a section I call Abyssal Thinking. Throwing any kind of structure to the wind I'll just be listing questions, answers, and observations in an attempt to purge these things from my ever-grasping mind. My hope is that you will be curious about these things as I am, and that they will enrich your lives. Or, at the very least, occupy some time while your reading them. Killing time, one of the many services that this website has to offer to you, my loyal readers.

• The other day I was on the veranda smoking when a squirrel approached me. He took a piss and then went on his way. I'm wondering if this has any Karmic significance or if I'm just the kind of person squirrels feel comfortable pissing around.

• What does a tattoo of Taz or Tweetie-Bird really say about a person?

• I bought some shoes the other day and the salesperson offered to stretch them for me. Has this always been a service of shoe stores and I've not been asking? How many missed opportunites have I squandered?

• My son spelled "Wash Me" in the dirt on my wife's minivan. I applauded his need to point this out to my wife with graffiti, but was dismayed to find that he spelled 'Wash Me" with a T.

• I have a hot spot on my grill that is about four inches square. I figure that's just where I cook. I could fix it, but then I would loose all that 'resting' area I have. Foods gotta rest, who am I to take that away?

• I'm convinced that my 2 year old fights so hard during a diaper change because he thinks that seeing a parent covered in shit would be hilarious.

• The children on Barney are always so goddamn happy. What's with that? I wonder if the producers make them smoke a doobie before the show. Is that legal?

• Does Batman eat while fighting the forces of evil? Combos, pretzels, powerbars, the occasional Netwon of Fig? Anything that will fit in the utility belt I guess. Maybe he cooks his own 'Bat-Snacks" just to save time.

• Everyone I see driving a Hummer is on a cell phone. Every Single One. I wonder if they constantly need to call ahead to make sure there's enough gas at the station.

• Most hard-cover books come with a dust cover. I assume this is to protect the book from dust that tends to accumulate on shelves. Why? Why? Why? Put them on children's books? Oh yeah, to give my kids something to rip up as I'm reading them a bedtime story.

• Why do my thumbnails grow faster than any other nail on my person?

• I don't EVER need to see advertisements about stool softeners. I know what they do, I know when I need them, and I know where to get them. The amount of unnatural relief these women express during these ads is just plain icky. Evidently, men never get constipated.

That's all for now. I'll be sure to keep an eye out for more nonsense and post them appropriately.

A Man And His Dog

C'MON, LOOK AT THAT PUNAM!! This is my dog. The name on his tag says Biff. But he goes by all sorts of names. Shithead, Meathead, The Red Menace, and occasionally You-Little-Shit.

Emily named the dog. She thought it would be funny to give a very little dog a name with 'big' connotations. I too thought that this would be a good idea, but my names were more of a classical sort. Odin, Thor, Herc (Hercules) just to name a few. But Emily had found the dog and so dibs on the name were hers. Like all names, of people as well as animals, the name has come to fit him quite nicely.

Biff is a miniature dachshund. His coloration is 'boar' red according to dachshund breeders. He is just the kind of dog we wanted. He's great with the kids. He can be held easily with one hand in what I like to call the "Heisman" carry. He is a short hair dachshund so no ruining of furniture or articles of clothing. Biff can be a bit yippy but when he's at home with us he's relatively quite. That is unless the windows are open and you have the nerve to walk by the house, ride a bike, or perish the thought - walk your own dog near the house. The Biff will let you and anyone else in earshot that this is his castle and the serfs who live here are his. Biff is truly a great dog. There are many reasons why.

Biff loves to sleep. He curls up rather nicely in any chair you happen to be sitting in. Half the time I hardly notice he’s there. Being kind of tiny, he does get sat on with some regularity, but knows enough to move when a giant posterior is about to land on him. In what I assume is a function of his particular breed, Biff loves to burrow into any bedding he finds available. When we go to bed Biff jumps up and then comes to the head of the bed. This is in no way to give adulation to the humans who feed and clean up after him. No, this is to get his proboscis-like nose at the top of the covers so he can burrow down to our feet and go to sleep. He does this every night. Let me make this perfectly clear, there is one thing that dachshunds and the Arctic Circle have in common. That would be that the Arctic Circle and a dachshund's nose are EXACTLY the same temperature. Jesus, even on the hottest nights, Biff's schnozz is a cool 33 degrees. Where does he keep the thing? I was thinking that his nose would be useful in cooling down drinks for friends and family at parties, but some would object to my outside-the-box thinking on this idea. Napping with Biff is great. He knows and appreciates somewhere in that canine brain of his that his daddy loves them too.

Most people look at me strangely when I mention to them that Biff is litter trained. We use litter that is designed for small dogs and it works just like your average cat litter. I could take the dog on walks, get healthy,meet the neighbors and such. But that is far too much work. A quick trip to the basement with the dog and he knows what to do. Shouldn't he know to do this when he needs to go? Probably, but Biff struggles with the basement stairs. He goes up them just fine when he’s done eliminating, but going down them he doesn't like. So when I forget to take him down, he lets me know by leaving presents at the top of the basement stairs. Hey, at least he's close - he could leave them in my bed or my shoes. He’s getting much better at doing his business, and rightly so. We buy this dog treats so tasty looking that I've considered eating them on more than one occasion. So he knows that he will be well rewarded for doing what my mother calls "dootsing" where he's supposed to.

Cam and Gabe both love Biff. But make no mistake that Biff is Gabe's dog. Gabe and Biff have a close relationship. When Gabe naps, Biff will go and lay with him. If Gabe is getting picked on by his older brother, Biff will step in and bark. Gabe loves to just sit a pet Biff. This has come from many lessons about what are nice touches and what are not. Any stick or toy in our house longer that 12 inches magically becomes a sword and Biff often gets the brunt of this. I just go into the room and introduce a larger target for fencing purposes and Biff goes and lies down out of harm’s way. Biff also puts up with a lot of ear pulling. Look at those ears, hell I'm half tempted to pull them myself. He’s very patient with the kids and seeing him with Gabe makes having him well worth it.

Biff stands up to every dog he sees. It's like no one told him how small he his. To give you some comparison, our cat Ramona is larger that he is any probably has five pounds on him. They get along most of the time except when Biff wants to cross the species line and tries to hump her into submission. My dog would take on a bear if called upon and he would fight to the death right up until the moment he was inhaled like a cocktail wiener. I usually find this kind of size delusion unfavorable in people, but in a tiny dog I'll take it. I'd bet on him at any dog fight I could find and would find no shame in showing up with him stuffed in my backpack or in my wife's purse.

So if you're at the house and you feel something warm at your legs it's probably Biff. For that matter it could be Gabe, but they are both cute and react similarly to new people. I've dubbed him Biff the Wonder Dog. He is all that and more. Now you'll have to excuse me - I have to take the Wonder Dog downstairs before he defiles my floor.