Run, Shoot, Make Things Go Boom

Just picked up my copy of BLACK for the Xbox(the picture is of the PS2 version). The developers of this game are calling this "gun porn", stating this game will have the most attention to detail regarding weapons than any other console FPS (first-person-shooter). We'll see. I can't wait to play it. Really, I'm hoping something heavy will fall on me here at work so I can go home, just the legs mind you, can't be hurting the arms and hands for my purposes. But, I'll have to wait until I get home and the family goes unconscious. Probably not until 9:00 PM or so. Dammit! Oh well, this usually gives me time to read the directions thoroughly before playing. Although FPS's don't really require a lot of direction. Move forward, eliminate any and all resistance, destroy with extreme prejudice. You know, the standard stuff.

I'll update when I've had a chance to play through the initial levels. I'm so excited I can barley sit still. What should I do with all this anxious energy? Well, there is always work...

Update: Allow me to share with you a list of why this game has brought me joy.-

1. Lots and lots of guns. I've only discovered 4 so far. The developers did a great job with them. They have more detail that any FPS I've seen. The UZI, for example, has a metal loop for a strap to attach to. You can see this rattling along as you move. Cool, huh?.

2. This game sounds great. Explosions and gun fire are as they should be. The only annoying part is the constant yelling of your enemy. Russian is not a pretty language. It is however more of an incentive to shoot them, or blow them to smithereens.

3. The AI is good, baddies duck and cover when they should and they only rush your position in numbers. Which I why I love hand-grenades so.

4. You can blow up everything. Cars, crates, barrels. If these happen to be next to enemies or buildings occupying enemies, well, they blow up too. Glass shatters, wood splinters, and cement throws off dust. While I've never been in a real fire-fight, I image that this captures the level of chaos involved in one, all while playing in my pajamas.

5. The story is obligatory but tolerable, did I mention that you can blow-up EVERYTHING?

6. Every good FPS has a moment(s) when you know that whatever you paid was well worth it. For me, it was when I sniped a bad guy with an RPG from across a courtyard. I targeted and hit the round he was about to fire at me. This blew him off the top of the building and subsequently took off the entire top floor of that building. Damn that was cool. Good thing I mostly play alone, I squeaked with glee like a five year old girl.

So I like the game. I know, I know -FPS's on PCs are much better and the use of a mouse and keyboard are better to shoot with. But, needless to say, I don't have a PC that will run that sort of game. That's why I have a console. No fuss, no problems, no need to upgrade to play the next great game. Although I see the Xbox 360 in my future - I'll need to be upgrading my TV to high-def to make it worth the hefty purchase price. This will happen around the same time when Hell holds it's official winter games. Oh well, the price will drop or I'll rob a bank. I'll make it there eventually. Pick up this game, it's alot of fun. I will be returning to my mission tonight, somewhere close to a steel factory, should be some stuff there to put holes in. One can only hope...

Elmo On Fire

I don't really care for Elmo. He's not the brightest of monsters and tends to ask a lot of really annoying questions. He has also broken on numerous occasions one of my cardinal rules, which is that Muppets should never have legs and feet. It's just wrong. From Kermit riding the bike in the Muppet Movie to Burt doing "The Pigeon" in the famous Sesame Street bit, Muppets with legs all look like they are missing something. Namely, someone's hand up their ass. Keep them from the waist up I say. Adding unnecessary appendages, for me, just turns a pleasant children's pastime into a spectacle of creepy madness. But I digress. Back to Elmo. Or as my wife and I like to call him, the furry red devil.

My youngest turned the ripe old age of two yesterday. We had an Elmo theme for his party and his birthday gift list was rife with all types of media referring to the Elmster. The party was great and my wife's Elmo cake was made to perfection(plug). Now that the party is over, and the merriment and gift-giving is complete, we are quite literally drowning in Elmo. We have it all. We have the Hokey-Pokey Elmo that when pushed (or kicked) down asks to be picked up. As disturbing as that is, thank the stars we did not get the YMCA Elmo. That toy snaps it's own elbows backwards to make the W, this is truly painful to watch. Imagine the Joe Theisman video sans the jock-strap. We have the Elmo in Grouchland sing-a-long playing on a loop at our home. Now I end up singing Elmo tunes at work and find myself asking co-workers to sing along. We have Elmo software that I've been too afraid to load, fearing the mind-numbing music that may come flying out of my computer. All kinds of books and dolls with the visage of that little bastard all over the house. He's taken over. We are powerless against him.

I'm going to set Elmo on fire. I don't know when and I don't know where, but you can bet that I'm going to arson-up that little shit. He has invaded every part of my house and is slowly taking over what's left of my mind. Really, I cannot stop singing those songs. My life is one big kareoke for toddlers. Don't worry, I won't let the kids in on it. I will just casually take one of the four-thousand effigies we have of El Diablo Rojo and we'll have an quiet little Zippo party. Will this make me feel better? Will it really purge the red menace from my brain, life, and home? Probably not. It will be satisfying though. That is, until my son gets wind of Barney. Then, I'll be buying a blowtorch, and may God have mercy on my soul...

Avenge This!

I just finished watching the Ultimate Avengers. This is a straight to DVD full length movie starring iconic Marvel characters such as Captain America, Thor, Iron Man, and the Hulk among others.

DC has really had the lion's share of good animation well, forever. With the Batman and Superman animated series and the continued run of Justice League Unlimited and the Teen Titans on the Cartoon Network, DC really has the majority of good super-hero animation out there. If you've not seen any of these shows I highly recommend them all. Good stories, familiar villains, and most are entertaining for kids AND adults alike.

Marvel comic characters have been relegated to live-action movies with mixed results. Marvel's forays into animation have been mostly sub-standard offerings on Saturday mornings. X-Men Evolution and MTV's SpiderMan are the only recent ones that come to mind. The Ultimate Avengers was very good. Probably the best animation with Marvel characters I've ever seen. The story wasn't great, but the characters were developed nicely and stuck to the comics pretty closely. Bruce Banner, I thought, was spot on to the comics. Not so much a hero, but a guy with a major bi-polar thing going on that noticeably creeps out most of the other characters. The other characters were also done well. I was always partial to Iron Man, he was fun to watch with good animation and voice acting. It was interesting that Marvel had a contest for fans who wanted to try out for the voice-over roles in this film. None of the fan submissions were chosen, standard voice-over actors were cast ( even Mark Hamill, although I'm not sure who he portrayed), but the video try outs are on the DVD. Fun if not embarrassing to watch. I'm just bummed that I did not know of this contest. I probably would have submitted my own try out. Don't worry, this one's not for kids as indicated by the PG 13 rating. Anyway, if you see this in the video store pick it up. I really enjoyed it.

Back in Black

According to the source, this is not a blank-and-white picture of our favorite wall-crawler. His costume is going to be black in Spider-Man 3 due out May 4th, 2007. I assume that if this is true (I'm not convinced that it is) it's following along with somewhat of a Venom story arc. I'm still wondering how they are going to get around the Secret Wars explanation for the birth of Venom. Spider-Man the animated series tried, but it was a truly contrived re-telling of the story complete with a Space Shuttle and a mysterious 'space goo' that eventually bonded with Spidey. Raimi's done well with the stories and has been quoted as saying Venom will not be a villain in the third installment. We'll see. Enjoy the pic!

Olive Burgers = Mana from Heaven

A friend of mine suggested that I refrain from writing about the mundane. So, being a good listener, I'm writing about an olive burger. In my defense, there is nothing mundane about this particular olive burger. I've lived in Lansing a long time and have never been to Dagwood's Bar & Grille. Don and I ate dinner there last evening, mainly for me to try their olive burger. We each had one, then in an example of total a submission to cholesterol and greasy goodness, we each ordered another. Don was right, they were great. It's certainly true that food that is the worst for you does in fact taste the best. Whatever artery clogging that is certainly taking place was well worth it. Eh, I'll probably go to Dagwood's after my angioplasti to celebrate with those glorious burgers. If you get the chance I would highly recommend stopping there. Those of you who no longer live in Lansing, I'm sure you can find a good olive burger wherever you live, not sure it would be as good though. Dag's (I've been there once and now I can shorten the name like I've been going there for years) is not a place for kids though. If I had asked for a kids menu, they probably would have brought me a shot of Wild Turkey, with no crayons even. But, it does have plenty of atmosphere and was a lot cleaner that I thought it would be. Along with the heavenly olive burgers the conversation was great, the waitress was cute, which all makes for an evening well spent.

What do I have to say?

Huh, guess I didn't really think about that when creating this blog. I just wanted to see if I could do it. The fact of the matter is that it was really easy and now I'm under immense pressure to write something witty and interesting. Damn. My wife asked me why anyone would want to log into a site and read anything written by me. Why indeed? My only explanation is that in my continuing journey into total self-consumption this seems like a way for me to say what I'd like about anything I'd like. You're probably asking yourself,Will, can't you do this at home or at work? The simple answer is no. Those places have rules that are to be followed and etiquette to be observed. On this site I would hope to cast off those earthly restraints and talk about whatever the hell I want. So here goes what couldn't possibly be called a 'grand' experiment. But an experiment none the less. Stay as long as you'd like - there are many topics to be discussed and I've never EVER been accused of not having an opinion.

First Post

Well, my very first post on my very first blog. I'd like to thank the Academy, my parents, and everyone who made this possible (sniffle)...