Heavy Petting At The Zoo

The family went to Binder Park Zoo today and we had a wonderful time. Zoos are great places for kids and adults alike. While Binder Park is certainly not the largest zoo around, its Wild Africa Park is really worth the visit. They have monkeys, ostriches, and giraffe in a wide open space and they do what they can to make it seem like a real trip to Africa.

We arrived and then had lunch. Zoo food is just a notch above County Fair Food, which means that it's very very tasty but has not nutritional value AT ALL. We waited a long time to get our food and sat down in the indoor portion of the eatery. Eating in this area was what I imagined eating in a prison cafeteria must be like. Lots of people crammed into a space where everything can be sprayed down with a hose. The stool-pigeon getting shanked during dessert can be amply substituted by the crying kids who all feel they did not get the right toy with their obligatory zoo meal. But I digress, the food was filling and we were ready for our foray into the park.

The first place we visited was the petting zoo. Goats, Llaamas, and Sheep - all for the touching and feeding. Now the kids love the petting zoo and my sister-in-law and I got the food and took them into the confined area. The kids each got their handfuls of food and waded into the throng of other children to get to the ever hungry animals. After they had used up all the goat-chow, or whatever they call it we left the petting area. My wife then swooped in with all kinds of hand-sanitizers and wipes to make sure that the kids don't contract any animal related bacteria. She practically gave both the boys a bath right there on the spot. As I was in the pen with all the same bacteria as the kids, I anxiously awaited my own wipe down. It was that at that time my beloved wife told me that I was not nearly as important as the children and that I could wipe myself down if I choose to. Feeling a bit gypped, I oozed on the appropriate stuff on and felt only slightly less dirty. I did however appreciate the swiftness in which my wife was ready to sanitize the kids. It was bordering on OC (obsessive compulsive) but I suppose it was required although the bugs the kids pick up daily at school can't be any worse that what your average goat carries around.

We then ventured into the Wild Africa area of the park. This requires a five minute "train" trip to get there which is actually a van pulling passenger cars. Once there we began the Wild Adventure by seeing the giraffe. The zoo sells five dollar packs of 'giraffe crackers' to feed the animals. These are matzo crackers which cost two dollars a box - ok, ok, the zoo needs to make some money. Then you walk to where the animals are. Specifically where the animals heads are. You stand on a platform and wait for the giraffe to glide in for their treats. You don't have to wait long. Once you are near them their sheer size is amazing. Where you are feeding them is 10 - 15 feet off the ground. They are like gentle dinosaurs wading into prehistoric forests to pick the vegetation clean. Now, let talk about the tongues. I appreciate a good tongue; I'm actually quite fond of my own. Giraffe have very long bright purple tongues. How long do you say? Like ten to sixteen inches long. Needless to say it's unsettling to have one of these dexterously wet appendages coming toward your hand. But they delicately take their cracker and come back for more. I took the chance to scratch their nose and neck while feeding them. It was great fun and the kids went bananas feeding these cool animals.

Once done with Africa, we ambled back to the main park where a park employed stopped to show the kids a blue-tongued skink. Man, what in the master plan of the universe decides on tongue color? Fleshy pink is soooo dull. I would much rather have a 10 inch long purple one or a lizard-like blue one. Oh well, I guess having the opposable thumb was a decent trade-off. The rest of the zoo has your assorted animals some exotic and some quite pedestrian. A male peacock decided to show us the goods (his feathers) with lots of pride hoping the get the attention of the pea-hen who had just left the area. We saw tortoise, swans, and some mustangs which my son asked if they were named after a little league hockey team he had played this year. It was a hot day and I was able to get a diet cola in a big obnoxious zoo cup which I used with much pride.

After touching a hissing cockroach and boa constrictor the boys (and their parents) were fading fast. It was a really nice day at Binder Park. If you live in the Battle Creek area and have young children it's a great way to spend a day. Not to mention that it will wipe out your kids so as to get a recovery nap in yourselves. My own nap was disturbed by visions of giant purple tongues dragging me off to eat tasteless five dollar crackers. The good news is that the vision ended with my beautiful wife who was there to make sure that I was sufficiently disinfected.