El Rey De Siestas

I love to nap. Let me repeat that, I LOVE to nap. I don't discriminate either. I love all kinds of naps. Long one that effectively kill an afternoon or short ones that last ten minutes. Any time I get to close my eyes and drift off during the day is a fine moment indeed. Being a parent of young children these blessed moments are far and in between. Unless they are napping of course. Then all bets are off and I can recline and drop off for a while.

Now what I watch on TV is crucial to napping. Whatever the program is cannot be too interesting nor too dull. It has to hold my attention without annexing it completely. Pro Golf is always a sure bet. Just enough time to catch the leader board and see if things are close, then settle into the competition which usually puts me right out. Don't get me wrong I like watching golf, but in a quiet moment at home in a comfortable chair, I'm not long for consciousness. There are other things that are good to watch before a potential nap. Movies that I have seen a thousand times before, yet are still interesting can work just fine. Infomercials and Documentaries are a sure thing. These also have to meet the requirements of not interesting me TOO much. Baseball is great in a pinch, and football games with teams I'm not really interested in (anyone but the Lions) can illicit a good snooze. I cannot remember a time when I said, "I should go take a nap.". Nowadays, then moments have to be stolen, sneaked as if it was illegal to sleep during the day. A good technique is waiting till all family members have fallen asleep enjoying their own naps, then gently snatch the remote. Then tune in to nap TV and fall away into bliss.

Most naps are not consistent things for me. My kids are usually the ones to wake me. They take the subtle approach of standing on my chest and screaming at me to wake up. Or sometimes my oldest will try to take the remote control which I have purposely placed close to me. I usually wake to find the television turned to Nickelodeon and the volume blaring. Hey, if he can get the remote from me successfully, he deserves to watch his own programming. Sometimes I'll fall asleep and then wake to see what is on. Then turn this to something more interesting and fall right back to sleep. I call this a 'nap-check'. Gotta make sure that the TV is tuned to something I want to watch, even if the only thing watching it is the cat.

One of the things I love about my dog is that he appreciates a good nap. He often naps with me and this is everything I've ever wanted from dog. Screw that catching Frisbees shit; I want one who will sense that his master is fading and want to do nothing but joint him. My only issue with napping with the dog is that he is one warm little puppy. I usually find that the area he's laying in is perspiring like crazy. I usually just move him to a cooler place and he and I fall back to sleep. He's a good dog. We are currently working on him fetching me the remote, but smearing it in beef giblets is not very conducive to using the remote and makes the wife a smidge unhappy. Eh, I'll work out the kinks eventually. Maybe hot-gluing a dog toy to the remote. This could work, but I see problems down the road it he wants to play and I want to turn the channel. As we all know, me not being able to do this on a moments notice is just NOT ok.

So people, take those naps. I'm sure some medical research center somewhere has said that it's good for you. I know it’s good for me. When I nap during the day, I helps to get me through movies that I want to watch at night. If I don't nap, I'll assuredly fall asleep at a pivotal moment and I'll have to watch the movie again. Taking a nap is as American as apple pie and corrupt politicians. Do your part. Uncle Sam is counting on you. That is when he's done taking his afternoon nap...