In China, They Just Call It Food

I love Chinese Food. I would eat it everyday. It makes me so happy this food. It's combinations of sweet and crunchy, hot and noodle-y, it's a truly great thing. We eat a lot of Chinese food at our home. Probably too much so. In addition to home, I've recently found a great place near where I work, so I have it for lunch at least once a week. Now I like this food despite the fact that there are foods included in Chinese that are the color green. I'm fond of very few green foods. Iceberg lettuce and cucumbers are about all I'll tolerate. But in Chinese cuisine, the veggies are so fried, woked, and for all I know sandblasted, that they barely taste like any thing at all. With the addition of ample amounts of soy sauce, this is even more so. With the exception of shrimp dishes, I tend to like most Chinese food.

I use the traditional Chinese eating utensils, the ancient chopstick. Truthfully, they make my hand cramp-up like a mother, but I figure when in Rome. If you are going to attempt this, I would recommend the round chopsticks if you can get them. The square ones tend to be a little less comfortable. It takes a little practice but once you've got it, it takes shoveling food into your piehole to a whole new level. Much to the wife's chagrin I usually take the bowl and hold it right up to my face. It's not pretty, but really makes using chopsticks easier. The final upside of using chopsticks is the intruder factor. It is not unknown for a protagonist in various kung fu films to use a pair of chopsticks to defend himself. I would prefer to throw them at the eyes of the bad guy and impale him to my dining room wall. This is hard to practice though, especially since my dog won't stand still long enough. I'll just have to keep trying.

I usually order General Tso's chicken. This is nice and sweet with just the right addition of heat. But lately I've been all about the noodle. Beef Lo-mien is my newest love, followed up closely by the plain Lo-mien with soy sauce. Hey, what's good for Rick Deckard is good enough for me. Not sure of the reference? Watch Blade Runner. If you've not seen it - examine your head, then see it. At the beginnings of the film our hero order two of something, perhaps eggrolls, and then the almighty side of noodles. This precedes him getting picked up by the cops to help with the local replicant problem. That's all I'll say.

So go out and rent Blade Runner (try to get the directors cut on DVD if possible) and order some Chinese Food. This will make for a fun evening, even more fun than throwing chopsticks at your dog. If only by only just a little.

Note: This article is for entertainment purposes only. I have never thrown a chopstick at my dog. Not to mention that he would just eat it and I would end up cleaning up poop-kabobs.